In much of my research, especially pertaining to minors, there is so much "grooming" that takes place and in hindsight it's easy to spot BUT it is so much more challenging to see the signs when you are too close to it.
There are several established signs or stages to be aware of, and often the predator will begin by:
Targeting: a predator will target someone that meets their criteria. This could be eye or hair color, ethnicity or other physical characteristics that they find compulsive.
Bonding: a predator will utilize their access by creating a "special" bond between themselves and their target. They will find (or create) commonalities, often at the victim’s family’s expense and may begin communicating their own unfulfilled needs. A victim may suddenly spend much more time on their cell or computer, may lock social media accounts, or spend most of the night up.
Exploiting, or “Filling a Need”: a predator will identify a need in their target. This could be attention, validation, gifts, etc.
Isolation: a predator will use the bonding opportunities with the filling a need element to further create a divide between the victim and their family, will weaponize phrases like “they don’t love you, only I do”
Introducing Love and Sex: a predator will begin to say bonding validating comments such as “ I love you” or “You love me, right?” And will also integrate sex and fantasies into conversations. This works to desensitize the victim to comments, pictures and actions of a sexual nature.
Maintaining Control: a predator will use all of the above to maintain their hold over the victim. A range of controlling tactics might include:
Encouraging the victim to runaway to be with them
Make the victim feel that the only one who could ever love or care for them is the abuser.
The abuser may control finances and withhold any communication with family.
The abuser will “punish” accordingly and often the victim will say they caused his anger.
Parents know their children exceptionally well as do the victim’s closest friends. Any change in behavior should be identified as soon as possible with a heightened sense of urgency. Predators, once they have begun bonding will move rather fast.
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